Clinic Visit

Today Kaitlyn had another clinic visit where she received another dose of Chemo. They also took her blood and found all her counts continuing to rise. Her white blood cells are now over 3,000 where they were only about 550 when we left the hospital on Monday. So, they have really come up quite a bit since then. Basically, it means that she can be around people again without as much worry that she will catch every little sniffle that may come her way.

Next Thursday, Kaitlyn will be having another lumbar puncture with intrathecal (in the spine) chemo treatment and another bone marrow aspiration. This bone marrow test is the BIG ONE. This one will determine whether she is actually in remission or not. Today, her doctor gave us a draft version of her treatment protocol for the next 2 & 1/2 years. This protocol is based on the assumption that she WILL be in remission next week. He said that they are quite confident that she will be so there was no reason why we couldn't get the paperwork done and ready to go so that as long as her blood work looks good, they will be ready to start the next phase of treatment(Consolidation).

If all her blood work looks good next Thursday, they will then set up another hospital admission for Sunday (October 5th) for her next phase of high dose chemotherapy. We will then be back in the hospital for at least 3 days as long as everything goes OK and she doesn't have too many negative side effects.

The treatment protocol over the next 5 months really is pretty intense with a lot of intrathecal (in the spine) chemotherapy. I find it so unbelievable that her little body can take all of it. I can't even stand to watch all the chemo going into her and all the procedures she has endured and those still to come. I don't know what is worse - the leukemia or the treatment. But, what choice is there? Stop treatment and let the leukemia win? NO FRIGGIN WAY!! My little girl is truly a fighter and if she can be brave, so can I. None of this is easy, none of it seems right. How can it be right for such an innocent little soul to suffer this much, even if the suffering is what will save her life.

At 2&1/2 years old, she has no idea why this "bad stuff" is happening to her. She doesn't understand the magnitude of her illness. All she knows is that strangers keep touching her, keep hurting her and mommy and daddy allow them to do it. Can you imagine her fear? Her safe little world has been shattered and she doesn't understand why mommy and daddy aren't protecting her. She doesn't understand that we are allowing all this "bad stuff" to happen in order to save her life. How do you explain that to a toddler who doesn't even understand the meaning of death? This disease will most definitely change who she is. Yes, it may make her a stronger person in the long run. But, right now, she is internalizing the trauma of all this fear. I can only hope that as she gets older, she will begin to understand why mommy and daddy are allowing the "bad stuff" to happen to her. I pray that she will someday forgive us for the necessary pain we have allowed her to endure.