A 4th Birthday Letter

Dear Kaitlyn,

As I sit down to write this Happy Birthday letter to you, I can't help but to think of everything that you have been through in the past year & ½. I am sure that all of it has changed you and made you older than your years. You know words that you shouldn't know…Leukemia, chemo, lumbar puncture, etc. But I do believe that the trials of your disease have taught you how to be a little more caring and compassionate toward others. I see this compassionate quality in you at such a young age and it totally amazes me.

Lately, when I look at you, I see how grown up you are. All of a sudden, you are like this little person that MAKES SENSE! I can have a full conversation with you and sometimes your points make more sense than mine! Sometimes, it pulls at my heart a little bit to see you getting so grown up. I know you are only FOUR, but I just want you to stay my little baby forever. I know we can't stop time and as you have told me many times, you "want to be big so that you can reach stuff!" But sometimes, I force myself to take a “longer than usual” look at you with the hope that I can permanently imprint that moment in time on my brain.

I realize how much I’m going to miss you at 3. But at the same time, I’m looking forward to the memories waiting for us now that you're 4. It's almost unfathomable, on so many different levels, that my precious little girl is turning four years old. It literally seems like yesterday that your Daddy and I were in that tiny ultrasound room listening to the tech utter the most precious words I have ever heard, “It’s a GIRL!” I was overwhelmed with excitement! In only 4 short years you have taught me what truly is wonderful, special, good and extraordinary. You have taught me what really matters in life. I could never come up with enough words to adequately describe my feelings towards you, but here are just a few things (of the many) that I love about you:

I love to see those beautiful blue eyes greet me each and every day with a hug, kiss and a “good morning mommy”.

I love seeing the world through your eyes, with joy and excitement for each new adventure.

I love how you are always up for anything and jump right in to every activity.

I love how social you are.

I love how unbelievably forgiving you are.

I love how freely you love.

I love the way you act like a little mommy to your dolls, holding their hand while they have their port accessed at their “doctor’s appointments”. Watching how you play “mommy” shows me that I am doing a pretty good job.

I love watching you dance and sing along with what seems like every song you hear.

I love your exuberant smile and how your personality can fill a room.

I love your giggle; it is my most favorite sound in the world.

I love how you can be crying one minute and totally goofy the next.

I love holding your hand, reading you books, and singing you your night-night song.

I love that you love to climb up on the couch and snuggle with me. I hope you never stop.

I love to kiss the site of your port because I know the medicine that goes through there is saving your life.

I love your determination and I am so proud of your fighting spirit.

I love the way you say, “Mommy, you are the perfect Mommy for me.”

More than anything, ANYTHING else in this entire world, I LOVE being your Mommy. I am so unbelievably proud of the inspiring little girl that you have become. I thank God every single day for allowing me to be your mom and for blessing me with you. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life loving you!

Happy 4th birthday, Bumpky…You are my world!!!

I Love You,
~ Mommy